Leap Of Faith

Twice it happened!

Twice (so far) life made me face my fears. 

Third time lucky, as the saying goes, but I already think of myself as 'lucky' and blessed at the second time. This is what happened at the beginning of 2020...

Amidst all other social chaos, I found myself in a most difficult situation. In the long years (20 to be precise) leading to this one special day, I was used to going to work every day feeling stressed, worried and anxious. That I considered 'normal'. I got up every morning feeling tired before my day had even begun, depleted of energy and already fed up with everything and everyone. 

At the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020, a new mental and emotional state started to take hold of me and it gradually grew in intensity with every school day that passed by... Did I mention that I was a full time primary school teacher at that time?

Well, I felt trapped in that job. But it was paying my bills and one part of me was saying that I should surely just stop being silly about complaining while another part was becoming increasingly resentful for carrying on and enduring this slow, yet steady, destruction of my soul as life was being sucked out of me, daily.

How does one deal with this!? To label it as 'tough' seems like an understatement. This was the culmination of a teaching career spanning 2 decades. It started in a posh private language school in Bulgaria, and was gradually coming to an end in a primary school in Luton. 

I wouldn't describe myself as a person who makes decisions easily. For that, I tended to rely on people around me, especially when those decisions affected my life. I am also quite a patient person and can endure huge amounts of pressure before it becomes unbearable. So, it wasn't easy for me to decide to take a leap of faith and move on from the job that I hated. That is, until it got completely and utterly unbearable and taking the leap of faith was the only 'leap' I could possibly take...   

''I quit'', I said, having figured in my head that I could always find another teaching job, if I really needed to... But my heart was feeling so happy to be out of the rigidity of full-time teaching and was craving freedom really badly!

What happened next proved the words of Kandyse Mcclure who said,

''Take a leap of faith! You will either land somewhere new or learn to fly.''

Gosh, wasn't that some absolutely new place that I landed on! 

In the process of breaking free from my restricting, soul-destroying circumstances I learned a whole lot of new things but this one is the ultimate one:

Engage in activities that make your heart sing and your path will be revealed in front of you, step by step. Trust the process!

This is exactly how our 'Farm' came to be...

When I first applied for an allotment (in Feb 2020) I was told I was number 20 in the waiting list so I thought 'well, that's that then, no allotment any time soon!' and put my energy and focus into other enjoyable activities - like cycling, which I hadn't done properly since my childhood and the empty roads of Lockdown One presented an amazing opportunity. 

Let me tell you, cycling at the age of 47 is not as easy as it is at 13-14 but it is just as enjoyable (if I were to ignore the pain in muscles I didn't know I had). However, it was a great fitness preparation for September when, to my utter surprise, an allotment became available! 

Before long I became the 'owner' of a plot of land as green and lush as the field next to it! There was no plan, just excitement! 

What did I need first? Tools, of course! 

Tools became available. Good quality tools appeared, so digging began... 

For weeks and months, in autumn's drizzle and winter's chill, the ground was getting turned once and muscles ached. Oh boy, how well did my trusted essential oils work soothing the backpain, the knee pain and even the sneezes of spring! Didn't they perform miracles!

With spring approaching, the plot was taking shape and, out of the blue, a polytunnel appeared - as a thoughtful birthday present - alongside new posh Hunters Wellies! The excitement was growing and the plot was unfolding it's potential for:

Deep thinking and reflection;

Self observation and awareness;

Relationship building and deep conversations;

Bonding with nature;

Satisfaction and gratitude;

This small patch of land was transforming fears that caught up with me from time to time but most of all, it was helping me observe how my life was unfolding in front of my eyes, while my heart was happy and my gut was leading the way.

And all that was even before we had started planting any vegetables. I discovered what my body was capable of and how well it recovered and healed.

Next, we knew we needed manure. And just like that, manure appeared. I never thought I could be so excited over a pile of shit! (The last batch for the season too!)

At another time, some wheels were needed to move two pallets from the back of a local shop to the plot. And wheels, from an old BBQ, appeared in the most unexpected way. So the pallets were transported to their final destination and the wheels broke right then, at the end, when their job was done and they had served their purpose.

A miracle after miracle has been happening. I'd call it lucky if I didn't know better - it's not luck, it's something else. It's living life from a happy place and letting the Universe deliver what you really need, in its mysterious, unknown ways.

Now this 'Farm' of ours is turning into an oasis of goodness, in any aspect of the word. With the new sitting area under construction, the idea of which defined itself gradually, as we finished planting the vegetables, I look back/over our plot of land in awe and gratitude. 

May this Farm be a source of love, inspiration and food for thought in the years to come, not just for me but for everyone else who gets to experience it and who gets touched by its grounding, healing and nurturing power. This is an invitation for you, my dear reader, to come along and sit with us, under the trellises, surrounded by the fragrance of roses and jasmine and share thoughts and ideas. 

With love,

Desi