Letting Go of Fear

For the last two years I have been learning how to prioritise my happiness.

Battling all sorts of issues has been my "college course" and now as I reflect back on my experience, all of these issues have actually been the manifestation of Fear-In-Disguise.

Fear of not having enough money;

Fear of being judged;

Fear of not being liked;

Fear of not being accepted as I am...

A simple, basic, regular FEAR that kept morphing to disguise itself. 

How clever is our human subconscious mind at trying to protect us from perceived threat (because I'm sure yours is doing the same, playing the same tricks on you)! Today, this fear was exposed, yet again, for what it is - a mechanism of protection. 

Just so we are on the same page, let's establish that:

Procrastination is fear-in-disguise, not laziness;

Staying in a job that you don't like is fear-in-disguise and there is nothing noble about it;

Being a people-pleaser is fear-in-disguise, not a character quality;     

I can carry on...

Just so you also know, I wasn't immune to all of the above; they were my state of being for about 49 years of my life.

Today, I had a glimpse of what it means to fully embody the only truth that matters: 

that my happiness, in the body I occupy in this world, is the most important thing I can care about. 

As I was drawing on Day 12 of my Letting Go Project, I kept deleting all irrelevant "worries" and "issues" I could perceive in my life. Much like a good gardener, I pulled out all sorts of annoying, nagging, energy-sucking weeds that don't belong in my vegetable patch and only left the one main crop that I want growing there.

Here is what happened.

After choosing the essential oil to help me along, Bergamot (see why at the end of the post), I drew a Neurographica picture, with the Algorithm of Removing Limitations. This is something I have recently mastered, thanks to a very good instructor. 

If you haven't heard about Neurographica® before, it is an artistic method of personal development, a sort of psychological art that is deeply founded in science. It works! I will be talking a lot about Neurographica® from now on but for now let me just share what happened while I was drawing today. 

1. First, I put 3 drops of Bergamot in the diffuser, and then I "threw" all my fear on the paper. It lookes like that (pic. 1).

pic. 1

2. Then I started making sense of it. It was painful. The mind wasn't letting the hand do the change.
(pics. 2, 3)

pic. 2

pic. 3
 

3. as the Algorithm requires, the next step was to reached out to connect to the Universe. So I did. It embraced me with open arms. I felt at home. (pic. 4, 5)

pic. 4

pic. 5

4. Blue meant freedom, boldness, courage, truth. Two shades of blue - for being able to see alternative points of view and have compassion. Little gaps were erased because they were irrelevant. (pic. 6)

pic. 6

5. As I created the big rivers of Universal energetic support (aka Field Lines, see the thicker lines in pic. 6), the whole picture came to life. 

pic. 7

6. It was so easy to see my FEARLESS self in this new setup. A marvelous, harmonious circle of pure energy, filled with creativity and love. (pic. 7)

This is only Day 12, out of 21!

I am soooo excited for what Day 13 will bring, tomorrow! Will let you know...

This is Neurographica®: the creative way to personal self-improvement. It's currently my favourite one (on the same par as PSYCH-K®, which I swear by, of course). When done properly, it is just as fast as PSYCH-K® in the results it can deliver. 

Oh, I promised to share why I chose Bergamot. 

Here is why, from "Gifts of the Essential Oils" book.

If you found Day 12 interesting, you may want to check out Day 11 - I recorded it in this video. 

The Amazing Benefits of Writing by Hand

 

A huge amount of scientific research has proven that handwriting is exceptionally beneficial for our brain, memory, learning and our overall wellbeing. Here are some of the major key findings:

1. Activates the Brain

Dr. Karin James, associate professor at the Department of Psychology and Brain Sciences at Indiana University, has been using functional magnetic resonance imaging for investigating the brain mechanisms involved in different types of learning in both children and adults. She has written many reports but the one to point your attention here is "An analysis of the brain systems involved with producing letters by hand". Published in 2019, it concludes that when handwriting, we activate our brain and especially areas that are associated with reading, working memory and language. When these areas are activated together, this increases learning. You can read more about Dr. James' work here.

2. Makes You a Better Writer

Dr. Virginia Berninger, educational psychologist at the University of Washington, discovered through her research that students write better (and more) when writing by hand as opposed to typing. "There is a myth that in the era of computers we don't need handwriting. That's not what our research is showing", says the scientist in a newspaper interview and continues to add “What we found was that children until about grade six were writing more words, writing faster and expressing more ideas if they could use handwriting, than if they used the keyboard.”

3. Deeper Learning and Better Memory

In a study students who wrote notes by hand had better test scores even though their notes had fewer words in them. This suggests that learning has happened on a deeper level - they had to process the information to pick up the bits that were worth recording and then write them down in a coherent sentence. This eliminates distraction as well (an added bonus).

4. Increased Creativity

Many famous writers have shared that they prefer writing their manuscripts by hand. The process of writing by hand induces a meditative state and calms the mind. This allows ideas to flow more freely. It forces the writer to slow down so the brain has time to process tangled thoughts and form ideas more carefully.

5. Express Your Individuality

Your individuality shines in your handwriting. No one else in the world can write like you, no one else shapes letters like you!

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The benefits of handwriting are enormous. If your interest was sparked, you could check this infographic which suggests 20 different benefits.

And you may also like to read about 18 incredible Journaling Benefits

The Amazing Benefits of Writing by Hand

Shattering Fears

I had a dream this morning, just before I fully woke up for the day.

Photo by Nino Bughadze from Pexels

A certain Knowing about FEAR visited me. It was this kind of 'Knowing' where you feel it with your entire body! My dream was about shattering fears and the transformation that comes with this, much like in the new Dune film that I watched yesterday. It comes down to this:

In order for the new and better version of ourselves to rise and be born, the old one must disappear, die, be no more. This process sometimes takes only a few seconds (like it was in the movie) but the preparation for it may take years of learning and character building. The real Knowing of what it takes to step into leadership really struck me hard yesterday while I was watching the growth of the main protagonist (Paul).

It is fear that makes the road so rocky that only few people venture in that direction. It is fear that stops most people from letting go of the old and familiar stuff thus preventing us from achieving the greatness of our full potential. This fear has many and various faces and it disguises itself quite well.

What will my parents say…? What will my friends think of me…?

These are some of the shapes FEAR takes.

And if you have tried to go against these fears, you know how rewarding it is to overcome them just because you were terrified of them at the start.

“Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings obliteration. I will face my fear and I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see it’s path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I remain.”

Turns out, Frank Herbert (the author of Dune) was a personal development teacher and philosopher in his own right. Well, at least in my eyes he was. And I only just discovered that...

He knows how hard (and how easy) it is to grow into ones best self. Here is another quote to finish this post.

“Anything outside yourself, this you can see and apply your logic to it. But it’s a human trait that when we encounter personal problems, these things most deeply personal are the most difficult to bring out for our logic to scan. We tend to flounder around, blaming everything but the actual, deep-seated thing that’s really chewing on us.”

Are there areas in your life such that when you think about them you are contracted, tense, angry, annoyed, triggered and you blame other people or circumstances for your predicament?

There’s a reason for that - it’s FEAR in disguise. It is a good idea to unmask it if you want to be happy instead of miserable. Next step?

• Accept that you are afraid;
• Acknowledge the fear;
• Feel the fear, let it go through you and pass through you;
• When it is gone, the only thing left will be YOU!

I’d like to hear your thoughts

One Decision Away...

Photo by Rakicevic Nenad from Pexels

If someone travelled back in time to Christmas'18 and told me then that soon I would quit teaching primary Maths and English and I would instead start teaching Freedom, I would have laughed out loud and told them to stop telling jokes!

How could I even imagine that I would be leaving the 'security' of my teaching job so that I can feel freedom, happiness and joy as the predominant state of being?

What didn't make sense then, makes a lot of sense now!

I was becoming more and more frustrated with the workload, counting the days till the next holiday so I can have a 'breather' and instead of having a rest, I'd be able to catch up with my marking and planning for the next term.

Thinking about those 20+ years of hard undervalued work makes me so humble...

Yes, it is a tough gig being a full-time primary teacher. It taught me many things, such as discipline (a character-building structure), teamwork (for I couldn't have done my job well without my trusted colleagues' support), and perseverance (such a great muscle to have). And I am so grateful for the love and respect of all the little kiddos who gave me so much in return.

However, there came a point where my face stopped 'fitting in'. For a good year and a half, it was gradually worsening and turning more into a 'sticking out' situation. That is when I said ENOUGH! My freedom craving was stronger than any 'security'.

I handed in my resignation letter.

Interestingly, after that letter, my face started 'fitting in' very well and I was sent away with honours, which included a leaving present and flowers, just like the most valued employees before me. Which takes me to the next thought.

In hindsight, this was definitely that 'kick' of the Universe I have heard people talk about. It comes to position us in the right direction - where we can use our God-given gifts and talents best for the service of others.

And so, in line with what the Universe seemed to want me to do, I became a gardener, nature's advocate. It is not that Nature needs someone to be its advocate... In fact it's us, humans, who need a reminder that actually nature is who we are! We crave freedom but seem to have forgotten that true freedom is sort of irrelevant when we look at Nature.

Nature IS Freedom, right? Nature is opportunity. Nature is flow. It is constant change yet it is the only certainty we have. So why not embrace it?

If your job is making you miserable, you can decide to change it.

If your relationship is dysfunctional, you can choose to leave.

If your health is not what you want it to be, you can decide to change your lifestyle.

Nature gives us options and lets us decide what we want. This is true FREEDOM.

What do you want your life to be like?

We are always one decision away from the next step towards our true freedom. Do you agree?

Fuel (and Food) for Thought

After spending 10min worrying if I would make it to the petrol station without getting stranded on the way, I think I deserve a breather now! 

Time to have a cuppa...

And to #reflect...

Why did I end up with 4 miles worth of fuel in my car?
Is it because I had to be made aware of my mindset?

* To learn to #trust the Universe that it always takes care of me?

* That I can't always control the circumstances of my life so why worry?

* So what if I got stranded on the way there?

Is it that I would loose face and be considered another 'useless, senseless female driver who doesn't know her car' and causes congestion?

(Well, I know that is not true, but people don't know that, right...?) 

Why does it matter what people think?

* Or maybe the problem of my anxiety on the way there was because I might need rescuing which would mean that I am DEPENDENT on others and who am I to be asking for help!?

BOTTOM LINE:

The Universe delivered BIG time today!
I waited for 1 min! That's right! 1 minute!

In and out in less than 5min; with enough fuel to keep me going for a while; and enough FOOD for THOUGHT too.

How is your 'fuel situation'?
Has it made you reflect on your life? 

On your #beliefs? 

On your #mindset?

I would love to hear your #thoughts...

Childhood Friendships

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

I recently reconnected with one of my childhood friends. It had been a good 30+ years since we last spoke. Now having lived life, having experienced life and its struggles, we got connected through our love of art and drawing - something we both share. This event got me thinking about my other childhood friends and a question popped into my mind:

Why do we form friendships from an early age?

Having worked with young children in my entire teaching career, I have seen first hand how quickly children become best friends with another child, then something happens and they move on to be best friends with another child. A big part of a primary teacher's job is dealing with all sorts of friendship-related issues: misunderstandings, power struggles, co-dependence, jealousy, to mention but a few... If you have children of your own, you will know what I mean. If you don't, think about your own childhood friendships. Come down Memory Lane with me and let's consider this:   

Are childhood friendships any different from our adult friendships?

To answer this question I had to do an exercise. I thought about the most prominent of my childhood friends. The ones who have stayed in my memory the best. I pondered on the 'lessons' they taught me about me, about life and about the way I perceive the world. In short, this is where my original beliefs emerged. 

My earliest friend (Friend #1) taught me how to be empathetic towards others but I confused empathy with playing small.     

My Friend #2 was strong and confident and so with her it was easy to be brave and explore our limits. However, she was more popular with the boys and the ones I liked liked her, not me!

My Friend #3 was hot and cold and I never quite knew where I stood with her. She also 'taught' me that the other children liked me only because my mum was their teacher...

Friend #4 was quite observant but pushy too and wanted to be accepted at any rate. From her I learned that facing my shadow was painful and so I figured that brushing it under the carpet is the best way to cope. 

Then life happened and I lost touch with all these four friends. These friendships came and went but the conclusions I drew from them remained with me for a long time. Even though I wasn't aware at the time, I was actually creating my own set of limiting beliefs.

Photo by 周 康 from Pexels

Why we form friendships at an early age is now pretty obvious.

The more I thought about my childhood friendships, the clearer it became that we form these connections to learn valuable lessons. Who we become is truly dependent on our environment as we grow up. In our interaction with our friends (and parents), we make our choices of who we are and what is important to us. 

Then adulthood begins with our big hopes of conquering the world, living a happy life and being in charge of everything. 

Only to realise that happiness and freedom are the most important for us, yet few people are truly happy and free, while most are pretending, showing a happy façade for the benefit of others while deep inside their heart is craving liberation! 

There comes a point in our life when we return to this core... 

to reflect... 

to see where we took a wrong turn... 

what lesson did we not learn well... 

where is true happiness...?

I needed my childhood friends to get me going. Because of the interaction with them, I created a version of myself that was 'functional' but it did not lead me to a 'happy adult'. This reminds me of the concept of 

The Hero's Journey

We are all Heroes. We all have our special journey that starts at birth and it has an amazing reward at the end of it (if we want it). We face difficulties and obstacles along our own individual path - these are the self imposed programs and beliefs that we are limited, that we are not enough, that we don't deserve, that we are not worthy, that we must play small, and so on... Overcoming these 'decisions' we took as children is how we achieve true happiness, fulfilment and freedom as adults. 
It is possible, I know it for a fact!

Thank you for reading all the way to the end! I enjoyed writing this blogpost and it has brought the insight and inspiration for a future workshop. 

Let me know if you are interested in exploring your childhood friendships with me. I would love to be of assistance.
    

The Next Good Idea

Photo by Bich Tran from Pexels

Do you like setting goals?

Most people would say "Yes, of course!" and quite rightly so. We have been socially and culturally conditioned to aim for and pursue material success. How well we navigate along this path is measured by our tangible accomplishments, i.e. the achievement of our financial goals - the house, the car, the family, the holidays etc. We have also accepted that our value and worthiness depends on how we are perceived by others. This brings me to the next logical question:

How do you go about achieving your goals?

Most people would quickly reply that they make a plan of action. Some people would add that they do their best to stick to the plan until they reach their goal, no matter what. 

This plan of action normally has a set of steps that follow in a sequential manner and often, one step may depend on the completion of the previous one. The 'higher' or more difficult the goal is, the more elaborate the execution plan can be. However, it is believed to 'guarantee' the outcome with the exact specifications wanted. 

That is all well and good if it makes the person following the plan happy and free but is this always the case? 

I want to disturb the waters a bit and start by sharing my personal experience about planning. 

If the goal is for us to feel happy and free (because we have been given this life to be happy and free, right?) what would be the set of steps to follow?

Or is it all a bit of a contradiction?

We want to be free, yet we must follow a plan? Freedom and following a predetermined plan seem to be total opposites in my opinion, aren't they?

Here is an example to clarify my point.  

In September 2020 an allotment became available so my partner and I jumped at the opportunity to grow our own food. It was a 'field of lush grass' and could hardly be labelled as a vegetable garden. We had no idea what to do with it, how to arrange it, but we knew we had to dig the grass out and de-weed the whole plot. So we just took the action that was 'the next good idea'. 

Where do we start? Well, over here! - There was a patch with some evidence of previous cultivation, a spot with less grass on. 

When that patch was dug up, the next step was revealed: now dig over here! And we dug over here...

Before long a path 'appeared' and we created it. Then a second path 'emerged', and the basic structure of the future plot was 'obvious' - a square with two paths running through the length and crossing each other in the middle. 

By January we had started digging the third of the four quarters and a polytunnel (greenhouse) 'perched' on the fourth because it was 'the next good idea'.

We knew the soil needed to be improved and digging on its own wasn't going to be enough for that. A simple casual conversation done in passing lead to a pile of manure being delivered. It turned up without previous planning, only by roughly knowing we needed it and thinking it would be 'the next good idea'.    

Then there was a storm that ripped the plastic sheet of the polytunnel so the next good idea was to fix it, reinforce it, learn form the experience and make sure it doesn't happen again. In the process, we came up with a new idea of how to use the land around the polytunnel to grow even more vegetables. 

Then we moved on to creating a seating area where we could have a well-deserved cup of tea after all the work. It was a rough idea to begin with - just a few slabs of paving for a table and two chairs - but as we moved our attention to it, trellises and raised beds were imagined. What can be imagined, can be created, right? And so work began on the next good idea! No plan, just going along, persevering at the obstacles, and using creativity along the way. 

A pond for a frog to eat the slugs so they don't eat our cabbages? - Excellent next idea! 

A compost heap to collect all the rubbish and reuse next year as compost? - Excellent idea! 

A cold frame for seedlings next to the polytunnel? - Excellent idea!  (still in progress)

You would think this has cost us a fortune of our hard-earned money, right? But you would be totally wrong! Pallets, pallets and pallets again - we have used a huge amount of free wood from those and we have been creative about reusing materials that would otherwise end up on the tip. One simply cannot plan for when the pallets will arrive, so forget planning, do the next good idea towards feeling happy and fulfilled.  

One would look in total astonishment at the picture of our allotment today, "Gosh, never seen an allotment like that! You must have planned it so well at the start, it looks so well organised!"

But the truth is, we didn't set it as a goal when we began. In fact, we had no clue what to do, how to arrange it, what to grow, where to start... All we had was the excitement and the freedom to be in charge of this plot of land and make good use of it. Most of what you see today is the result of improving on something we did that needed to be fixed or changing direction because of it. 

The one constant element was not the set plan of action but the flexibility to change and adapt while learning from the experience and being grateful for both the difficulties and the blessings. 

In conclusion

What I really want to communicate here is that having a strict, well-thought-of plan before taking action doesn't really work for me. In those times when I have been forced to plan ahead, in my 21-year long teaching career, I have always ended up diverting from the plan. I remember spending long hours planning lessons, thinking ahead what the kids MIGHT find difficult and thinking what MIGHT help them better understand the material, only to discover that the learning blocks were not the ones I thought would be but completely different ones so this detailed lesson planning was time was all but wasted! 

So what is the point in meticulous planning? 

To some people planning in advance may be a good comfortable activity. It may create a sense of power, that they are in control of the circumstances.  For me, looking back on my teaching career, it only caused me stress and overwhelm. It overloaded my brain to remember all the steps, and then I had to change the steps anyway so there was additional stress that I wasn't following the plan... a vicious circle!       

"Just because you made a good plan, doesn’t mean that’s what’s gonna happen."

~Taylor Swift

It is so much easier to drop the 'big plan' idea and to start taking small steps, one after the other, acting upon 'the next good idea' while trusting in your own ability that you can face any difficulty or solve any problem if or when it arises and not planning ahead how to solve the problems that MIGHT appear because they MIGHT not appear just as well. Isn't this a much better way of achieving a sense of security - instead of doing your best at the impossible task of controlling the external environment? Security and trust from the inside out, letting go of the need to control everything around you.

And here is an added bonus - this new way of doing things is a much certain driver of action because you are not feeling overwhelmed before you have even begun.

As always, I would love to read your thoughts on this 'next good idea' suggestion.

On Gratitude

"Practise Gratitude", they would say. 

"Be more grateful", they would advise. 

Yet I was getting more and more confused... 

Photo by Puwadon Sang-ngern from Pexels

Over the years of my personal development journey I really couldn't quite comprehend this thing called Gratitude. Maybe because I do consider myself grateful already, doing my best to serve people around me and having good 'please' and 'thank you' manners that always go with my big smile. Or maybe because as a child I had the example from novels and children's stories of how one should NOT BE (e.g. one character criticizing another "How ungrateful you are!"). But I hadn't really made the point of understanding this one fundamental thing:

What does Gratitude really mean?

Recently, this word has been ringing in my ears from various directions. To me as a self-aware and self-observing person this meant that I had to pay attention and spend some time with GRATITUDE.

The first Aha! moment came from a book I use quite often ("Emotions and Essential Oils"). In there, in the entry about a certain essential oil it says that gratitude is the expression of complete acceptance and abundance. Well, I wasn't thinking of Gratitude in these terms at all! But it does make sense, really!

"A grateful person is content with what they have." the book continued. This was the second Aha! of the morning! I never thought of Gratitude as being in the state of contentment - a grateful person is content to be where they are, who they are, regardless of the circumstances they are in. 

So, the true meaning of Gratitude came to me when I realised that a grateful person is happy to accept BOTH their blessings and their challenges.

This is where I wasn't getting it: 

How can I be content with my challenges?! Especially when they are current, happening right now, feel sore, making me unhappy, tense, angry, and feeling like a victim, right?! It seems easier to be grateful about past events that I have lived through and learned the lessons form, like my divorce, 9 years ago. Right now I feel grateful that it happened but while it was unfolding I was totally miserable and suicidal. I was resisting it, wanting to control, to be in charge so I wouldn't lose the persona I had created for myself.

This is what I discovered this morning:

When we learn to feel true appreciation for life, this is when we become fully grateful. We want to drop the ego and allow the soul to surrender and accept life exactly as it is. To let go and find appreciation for all of the life circumstances and experiences. This is where real growth happens. Especially so if we didn't have this example as we were growing up.

My childhood was a good one (I am grateful for it), but my parents didn't know the meaning of Gratitude either. They would preach to me that I should be the best at everything, better that other children and if I wasn't quite managing all that, they would be telling me off. Comparing, judging, only accepting the 'good' and fighting the 'bad', was what I learned to do. I developed a perfectionist type of mentality which meant that doing the good, the right thing, in the best possible way was what made me a good person, worthy of love. There was no space (in my perception) for mediocrity, 'bad' choices, and not performing at my best. Never in my life had I seen a true application of Gratitude and how powerful it could be for someone to be in such a state of BEing.  

In my further search, I found it interesting to discover that David Hawkins' Map of Consciousness doesn't feature Gratitude in it. He can't have just missed it out by accident, a sensible scholar of his status... Contentment isn't there either... 

But I found this! On 10th Sep 2018, the Dalai Lama tweeted,

"A sense of contentment is crucial to being happy. Physical health, material wealth and friends contribute to this, but contentment governs our relations with them all. "

In other words, in order to feel happy, we first need to feel gratitude and contentment, which is a joyful state full of love and peace. Love is at 500, Peace - at 540, and joy - at 600 along that Map of Consciousness. This makes me believe that Gratitude is this state of being that helps us raise our level of consciousness. From an elevated level of consciousness, the lower emotions of fear can't exist. Then it becomes easy to accept the 'bad' just as well as the 'good', and I would dare even say that 'good' and 'bad' merge into one, and lose their labels. From this state of contentment, it is not even a question of how to accept and appreciate an illness, a heart-break or a loss, something that is happening now. Accepting life, trusting the Universe, letting go of ego - that is what Gratitude stands for me now, having been researching and breathing the wafts of this specific essential oil all morning.

"Through complete surrender and acceptance, the soul may be brought into peace and harmony." says the Emotions book about Spikenard essential oil.

Spikenard!

Spikenard has been in my oil collection for a couple of years but I haven't really bonded with it. Let's say, it wasn't an aroma that I was too keen on. But then I found out that this special oil brings the gift of Gratitude, so I quickly reached for it.

I knew I really needed Spikenard when I read this other sentence in the book,

"Spikenard encourages and assists individuals in seeing the deeper meaning in their lives. It supports them in feeling joy and happiness for other people as well as for themselves."

In another book on Spikenard this was confirmed:

"Spikenard is a great oil for honouring the unique gifts you have brought with you. If you find this oil's aroma not to your liking, it is a strong indicator that you have not unveiled what makes you special and are playing small.

Spikenard will remind you to begin and end each day with gratitude, as well as remaining grateful moment by moment.

When you count your blessings and not your sorrows, the Universe responds by sending blessings and more abundance to touch your life."

Gifts of the Essential Oils

Bottom line:

"Gratitude turns what we have into enough." (Anonymous)

Gratitude is not about ignoring the 'bad' and focussing only on the 'good' but accepting all, letting go of what feels uncomfortable, and as the energy clears one becomes more content, can see the bigger picture and learns the lessons to be had. Gradually moving to "NO MIND" as they teach in a famous Hollywood film.

Have you smelled Spikenard essential oil?
Do you like the smell of it?

And if your interest was sparked, here is where Spikenard comes form - Nepal

'Know Thyself' or The Search for Self-Understanding

Photo by Andre Mouton from Pexels

Developing a vegetable garden from a field into a farm has brought an endless list of benefits for me this year. Apart from the obvious nutritious goodness of organic vegetables, most of the benefits have come in the shape of deeper self-awareness - an intensified, laser-focused, hawk-eyed observation of my mental, emotional and physical state, moment by moment. My meditation has had the shape of digging, planting, weeding, watering and watching nature's constant flow.

So my latest reflection has been on the topic of STIFFNESS.

The definition of 'STIFFNESS' is 'the inability to move easily and without pain'.
If something was moving well before and now it has ceased, it has become 'stiff'. This has been the case with my body recently. Hence my self-knowledge focus has gone in this direction. 

Why is my body stiff when I wake up in the morning? I noticed that this stiffness is not really only connected to the amount of physical work. Three key questions were born:

1. Where in my body do I feel Stiffness? (What is the body communicating to me?)

2. How is this Stiffness working for me? (If there was a benefit to feeling stiff, what might that be?)

3. Where in my life do I feel Stiff? (What are the limiting beliefs that are holding me stuck?)

The answer to question 1 was easy - ankles and knees, sometimes hips and lower back. 

The answers to questions 2 and 3 required some more self-reflection and thinking of a higher kind.

Looking at the physiology of the body as a system, turns out the one key mineral that is responsible for the flexible, relaxed and not stiff muscles, is Magnesium. In fact, Magnesium, the fourth most fundamental mineral in the human body, that is involved in more than 600 cellular reactions, is actually deficient in more than half of the population! Shocking, isn't it!? Magnesium is crucial in relaxing the muscles. It has an active role in relaying signals from the brain to the body, naturally helps to balance heart rate, lowers high blood pressure and blood sugar levels, helps with the quality of sleep and is just as effective as anti-depressant medication when taken as a supplement! What an amazing mineral!?

True, when I take bigger amounts of my daily supplements (doTERRA's Lifelong Vitality) I feel less stiff. Point taken! Desi, always take your supplements. But also: Magnesium is in pumpkin seeds, spinach, chard, flaxseed, almonds, cashews and even in dark chocolate. Note to self: 'Chard! We have this growing on the Farm! Must eat a lot of that!'   

My self-study took me to my 'Bible' - the book that I often consult whenever a physical issue bothers me. Here is the extract from the part called 

Emotional aspects of Stiffness

"Your natural feelings, spontaneous forces, aggressive energies, etc. are being firmly tied down. You don't really live from out of your heart. Perhaps it is of much more importance to you how you are perceived by the outer world or how much you respect certain norms or rules. You don't allow yourself to live flexibly and freely! You are hard, demanding, condemning, stubborn. 

Inwardly, you feel small and dependent but you refuse to outwardly show this gentleness. You feel unstable on your own basis, unsure and afraid; you frenetically keep standing even if it's just for the eye of the others. Perhaps you proudly stick up your chest, but you smother your feelings. Because you don't allow yourself to live freely and joyfully and to fully spontaneously enjoy life, because you resist your gentle heart and longings - you possibly are angry or jealous, critical or judgmental, with people who dare to be joyful and to live without caring about restricting laws. Your spontaneous creativity is not allowed to exist; you live within structures and lines in order to feel something is 'safe'. You hold yourself back; sometimes you don't know what direction to take because you don't trust your intuition and your feelings. With small-minded thoughts you can make your existence very tense and narrow."

The Key to Self-Liberation - 1000 Diseases and Their Psychological Origins,
by Christiane Beerlandt

And this is where and how one can find flexibility:

• Dare to fully take hold of life with both hands.
• Allow those healthy primitive forces to come through, and feel that strong inner basis of your everlasting Living-self.
• Dare to be yourself: dare to get angry; free those feelings, no longer suppress those emotions.
• Listen to your wishes. Don't deny yourself joy.
• A human being doesn't fit into a framework: follow your nature, don't satisfy the expectations of laws and people, but the demands of your heart!

Some of these were limiting programs running in my subconscious mind indeed. 

Cleared them. 

What next? 

Body Symbology maybe?

Emotional Aspects of Ankles (from said book)

Ankles represent the flexible giving of direction and the taking of new turns. They are a symbol of yourself giving shape of your own life, not letting yourself be dominated by others, but instead, depending on your own authority, flexibly changing direction in your life to bring out that which is most profound inside of you.   

Emotional Aspects of Knees

Knees are a symbol of the power of your inner perseverance, of placing yourself in the centre in a strong and compelling way. Knees represent the ability to flexibly bend in life, surrendering to your deepest Self without resistance, willingly allowing yourself to glide on the path of true evolution. Knees also symbolise the power to stand up for oneself, not just allowing others to bend you.  

Emotional Aspects of Hips

Hips are the supporting power of your being, the structure, the solid lines you set up, after which you choose one well-determined direction in a resolute and self-aware way. Calmly standing still, considering yourself, in order to finally fo outward with power and flexibility, without hesitation. 

The common problem here is choosing... "Am I allowed to choose this path for my happiness or shall I sacrifice myself for others?" and as a result the choice is not made, energies are held back.

Emotional Aspects of Lower Back 

This is the place of the ultimate feeling of safety. This is the centre of the belief and trust in your inner power.  

Money worries, loss of a friend, of material things, no acknowledgement in your work, not being admired for your outer appearance or for your productivity, result in complaints in the lower back because you place the certainty outside of yourself!

• Dare to let your own light shine and radiate! Don't feel small and insecure, don't ignore your worth.
• Be proud of yourself, of who you are and who you are becoming.

How does this apply to me?

Some of this information rings well true about me. After all the years of personal development work I have invested in myself, it is now the time to start living in my own truth, for real, 100%. I still catch myself thinking that I am not enough, that I can't choose between the options or when I choose one path, I then regret that I didn't choose the other and this brings on guilt... No wonder my aches and pains appear at a time of transition from the perception of security (a full-time job) to the perception of instability, volatility and insecurity of self-employment. This is obviously all in my belief system, not the actual state of things, so changing of these perceptions will be the only way to get rid of the stiffness. 

Changing perceptions is my specialty. 

Two ways: PSYCH-K and Essential Oils. 

Easy!

So what oils?

I have been using these three with good results previously but now, after all the above considerations, it is all starting to make good sense.

Copaiba essential oil has been known for relieving pain. Emotionally, it helps to set aside the fake roles we have been identified with. Gets rid of feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame, past hurts, self-loathing etc. But it also helps to stop worrying about the future. Copaiba invites courage to look inward and see what is there that is painful. As you see it, you can transform these old stories of victimhood and woundedness. This oil helps you to see the beauty and glory of who you are and what amazing choices you can select from life.

Lemongrass cuts to the chase. It is all about purification. It removes the ego and so you can see others as equals. It allows inspiration to come loud and clear through reducing distraction. "The way before me is clear"

Wintergreen teaches us to trust courageously. It helps us surrender the need to assert control, allows us to stop beating ourselves up and experience self-love and self-acceptance.     

Bergamot will make a good addition to this trio but I will use it topically on my ankles and knees in winter times only when I don't expose the skin to the direct sunlight after its application.

Conclusion:

With or without essential oils, with or without PSYCH-K, our pains and aches (stiffness) can be healed, properly, only if we heal the source of the dis-ease, the reason for the dis-comfort and the trigger point. Heal that and all stiffness disappears.   

Maybe you agree with some or all of what I have shared here. Maybe you disagree. I would like to know your opinion, regardless.

Am I too selfish? Am I too greedy? - By whose standards, dare I ask...

This blogpost was inspired by a comment I read in a Facebook group. This is it:

'Today I was handed a severance offer. I have been in this company for over 5 years and I am over 40. I want to find something more flexible, in a better location, and to have a chance to take on a leadership role.

A big part of me feels that if I take this offer, I will never find another job as good - it's work from home, with benefits, free health care, and decent enough pay. Although it sucks the soul out of me at this point, keeps me up at night and I can't travel when I want or live where I want. 

Am I being greedy? Should I just be thankful for what I have? What would you do guys?"

Being thankful and grateful for what we have is certainly a good starting point, no doubt about that. The state of being appreciative of what we have elevates our vibration as we focus on abundance and achievements rather than lack.

However, being grateful doesn't mean settling down for what is the current state of affairs and not wanting to change our circumstances. Quite the opposite is actually true. From a place of abundance and gratitude, we can create an even better life - for ourselves and for our loved ones. In fact, I'd go even further and say that we awe it to ourselves (and our loved ones) because we are more than capable of changing things around. 

This brings me to the topic of "judgement". 

Too often we do things out of fear of being judged. 

"Too rude!"

"Too selfish!"

"Too loud!"

"Too quiet!" and so on... 

But have you asked yourself, "Why? By whose standards am I too...[fill in the adjective]...?"

Imagine these two identical seeds that came form the same plant and ended up in two different environments through no action of their own, mind you. (This is true story - form my allotment!) One thrived and bloomed into beautiful flowers while the other one was left in the paper packet... Does the second seed now think that its brother was a selfish, greedy, inconsiderate show-off because it thrived and produced seeds of its own? Or does the first plant feel it needs to slow down and stop ripening its fruits not to hurt the feelings of his less fortunate brother?

Our judgements of ourselves are our biggest hindrance to evolving into the thriving humans we were born to be. We are our own worse enemy, especially if we grew up surrounded by "judgement" of what was or wasn't considered "socially acceptable behaviour". This is our biggest and most dangerous virus, our low level of self-respect, worthiness and self-love. As a result, we rush around like headless chickens, doing what we are told to do, felling like we are expected to feel, chasing other people's appraisal and forgetting our own navigation system which, by now, may be even malfunctioning due to years of constant neglect.

This brings to mind the story of the captain on a boat who found himself in a foggy night at sea, without a map. Luckily for him, he saw a glimmering light in the distance and shouted through his megaphone (or maybe he was luckier and his radio was still working), 

"Hey, you are heading in my direction, we will crash!" 

From the darkness, the reply came, 

"Yes, you're right! You're heading in my direction, better change your course immediately!" 

The Captain, with his ego as big as the boat, shouted back in rage, 

"Who do you think you are, telling me to change my direction?! I am a big frigate with lots of guns and torpedoes! You change your course right now!" 

Do you think his attitude changed when he heard the answer,

"Sorry, can't do that! I'm a light house."

Photo by ArtHouse Studio from Pexels

Lots of us behave like this Captain, motivated by status and the expectations of others, while suppressing our real feelings and avoiding our pain points. I was no different, I used to be like that myself. I believed life happened to me, events were either bad or good luck over which I had no control and I was expected to just do my best at driving my boat (do you drive a boat or do you navigate it, whatever the verb is...), forgetting about dreams of a better life for fear of being labelled greedy and selfish. Now, after colliding head-on with two lighthouses so far in my boat-driving adventure called life, I can honestly say this:

• Whatever one thinks about anything - they are free to think it as much as they want and it has nothing to do with me.
  
  
• My own happiness and other people's judgements and opinions of me are two separate measures. I can do something about the former and the latter is none of my business.
  
  
• I am living my life as a decent human being, treating others the way they want to be treated.
  
  
• I am worthy of love and happiness.
  
  
• I deserve to be fulfilled form what I do.
  
  
• I trust my inner navigation system to take my boat to safe waters, always.  

This is how I drive my boat now and I love watching the tomato plants on my allotment as they produce in peace and harmony their yummy fruit and seeds. 

Photo by Eva Elijas from Pexels