Guilt, Resentment and Shame — Three powerful brothers who keep us tied to the past!

From the day we are born we are learning about the world - what is good and what is bad, how to act so we are accepted and what not to do to avoid being rejected. Our self-esteem has been shaped and programmed by daily experiences in which we were either praised for our actions or criticized for them, lovingly shown how to modify our behaviors, or harshly and coldly punished and judged.

Shame is a perception we learned from childhood, and it is the feeling that everything about us is wrong. This affects our self-esteem in a profound way and makes us feel inadequate and incapable all throughout our life.

If the environment in which we grew up was characterized by many moments of “tough” love, aggressive words and constant criticism about our way of being, or by the total absence of interest on the part of our parents, we create a self-image based on limiting beliefs about being inadequate, inferior, insufficient and undeserving, i.e. ashamed of who we are. As we grow older, we become more sensitive to what feels like criticism, even if it isn’t, causing us to feel rejected by others, reaffirming the perception of self-loathing and worthlessness. The consequence of feeling this deep “shame” of who we are, may be the origin of behavioral patterns of self-aggression and self-punishment, where we become violent, depressed or turn to alcohol or drugs.

As a consequence of feeling this deep shame, throughout the various stages of our human experience, it is highly likely that we have had moments when we have hurt other people or ourselves with our actions or words or when we have felt attacked, betrayed or abandoned. The stories related to each of these events generate additional feelings of guilt and resentment, which, of course remain deeply stored at the subconscious level of mind, as powerful imprints with which we continue to re-create similar situations in the present and we feel powerless due to the perception of not having a way to change these patterns or letting go of the resentment that poisons us daily.

So we now we carry guilt as well as all of the previous shame and resentment. Guilt for what we did or said. We continue to feed that resentment daily as we create more instances of the same - people come to our life that we perceive to have hurt us. And, while we remain tied to the past, we are the victim of each of those events and we find ourselves repeating the same patterns in a circle that seems to have no end.

Now here is the good news!

It is possible to free ourselves from these 3 powerful brothers.

While we cannot change the events of the past, we can change how we perceive ourselves, how we perceive the environment in which we grew up, how we perceive our parents, as well as each person with whom we have interacted during those events. As Rob Williams, the Originator of PSYCH-K® likes to say, “With PSYCH-K®, it’s never too late to have a functional childhood!”.

The bridge to re-signify the past and create a more harmonious, balanced and compassionate present is to access the subconscious mind and give it new information about how we perceive what happened.

For example, consider how your life would change if you could have these new beliefs or perceptions at the subconscious level of mind:

• Believe that you are a source of peace and joy for yourself and for everyone around you (Principle of Harmony) instead of sustaining the addiction to creating situations of pain as a way of self-punishment

• Accept responsibility for the choices you have made in your life and for the results (Principle of Cause and Effect) instead of feeding the guilt and resentment that keep you in the victim mode

• Act consciously, choosing how to treat yourself and others, with the clarity that we are all connected (Principle of Interconnectedness) instead of sustaining the reactive or aggressive patterns learned in childhood.

• Find harmony, even in difficult situations (Principle of Harmony) to recover your personal power and re-signify the past based on forgiveness and gratitude (at the subconscious level of mind instead of trying to forgive, which actually leads you to not forget!)

• Honor and respect the feelings of others as well as yours (Principle of Interconnectedness) to understand that the people you consider have hurt you or who you have hurt in the past, acted from what they knew at that time. This gives you the power to learn the lessons, grow and be grateful and as a result, stop being the victim and free them from your mind.

If you are interested in learning how to go from being a victim of the past to being an architect of your daily destiny, get in touch!

The Story of One Fearful Boy Who Found Courage

Once upon a time there lived a little boy called Strah. He was a kind boy, very calm and very quiet. In fact, he was way too kind and way too quiet. To be exact, Strah went out of his way to please everyone, to be helpful and useful.

One would say, Strah was the ideal child that any parent would want. He did what he was told and never argued with his adults. Strah would never express his own opinion. But there was a tiny problem...

However eager Strah was to do well in every aspect of life, he really struggled to learn and school was trouble... Even though Strah's teacher worked hard to boost his confidence and to support him in his school progress, Strah was still finding it hard to express his learning and put his ideas on paper. That was, until one winter day...

On that sunny winter's day, Strah's teacher learned about the power of the subconscious mind. 

Being a teacher who cares about his students, the teacher (let's call him Mr Know, just for fun) decided to make some amendments to Strah's subconscious mind. He asked for permission and having received it, he did some balancing with Strah to rewrite some of his subconscious limiting beliefs. The super special thing about this balancing was that Strah was not even aware Mr Know did anything. Mr Know surrogated with Strah and used a special method to get permission from Strah's Higher Self (the one that knows all about Strah and his life purpose etc) and to remove the blocks that were stopping Strah from learning. 

Following the balancing process, Mr Know found out that Strah had a huge amount of fear stored in his subconscious mind and he was afraid of virtually everything. Strah had anxiety about making mistakes, about saying the wrong thing, writing the wrong thing, and every other worry possible. He thought he was not good enough... 

(Here, I am expecting the all important "Aaahh, Bless!" from the reader).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Mr Know finished all that and he then went on to finish his weekend obligations of being a dad to his own children.

The next day was Monday! We all love Mondays, don't we! Those special days of the week when we start our jobs after having just experienced a glimpse of freedom! (yeah, right!). 

Like everyone else, at 8:50am, Mr Know was at the open door of his classrooms, smile on his face, greeting his beloved pupils with a warm "Good Morning!" and looking forward to another week of hard work... 

Then there came Strah, smiling as usual, a book bag in one hand and a PE kit in the other. 

Very excited and eager to share his weekend news, Strah started talking.

"Mr Know, I had a nightmare last night!"

"Oh no! Really, Strah, do you want to tell me about it?" Mr Know thought his methods had failed and Strah was even more frightened than before... (slight worry on his face).

"Yes!" carried on Strah, "I dreamed that a big scary monster was chasing me and wanted to catch me. I was running away and I was very scared. Then I called a Dino and the Dino helped me crush the monster."(By the way Strah loves dinosaurs and knows a lot about them.)

"Oh, well done!", said Mr Know, "You have done well!"

Strah continued telling about his nightmare dream. "Then, another monster came out and started chasing me but this time I crushed it myself, I did not need anyone to help me!"

"Wow, Strah!", exclaimed Mr Know, "This is even better! Great! You are not afraid of monsters any more, are you!"

Strah confirmed he was not afraid of monsters any more. 

Silently triumphant, Mr Know was feeling pleased with himself. It wasn't long after Mr Know started noticing changes in Strah's learning... 

Strah did not burst into tears every time he thought a task was too hard.
Strah did not start crying when he made a mistake in his answers.
Strah did not sit and wait for help when he was not sure what to do.

And Strah started putting his ideas on paper more readily and quickly, with increased confidence.
Strah started to put up his hand up to answer questions.
Strah became eager to share his ides in front of the class.
Strah even began helping his classmates when they found obstacles and difficulties in their learning.

In a nutshell, Mr Know helped Strah find Courage. 

My story about Stah ends here but because it was based on a true story, the actual adventures of Strah continue... 

I have obviously changed the little boy's real name but he is an actual pupil, with real-life problems who had the chance to be in Mr Know's class (not his real name either) and found his real-life solutions. Call it chance or destiny, but it did happen and I lived to tell the story.

The morale of the story is the following:

Never underestimate the power of a teacher who knows how to talk to the subconscious mind.

Or there may be other big lessons... What do you think?

Photo by Mia von Steinkirch from Pexels

NB: strah = "fear" in a few Eastern European languages, hence the choice of name for the character

Invest Time in You

As devoted parents, most of us get lost in our daily parental duties... We get lost to such a degree that our personality disperses..., we forget about having our own dreams, goals and so on...

As a young parent, I used to be exactly like that - I knew what my son's dreams were, what my husband's dreams were, what my daughter wanted in life, but I had no idea what MY SOUL wanted from life...


I don't want you to get lost...


Are you taking action every day to awaken the potential that is within in you? Of being a great parent, a worthy mum or dad?

Some of us do it by reading a great self-help book or going to an amazing workshop. However, afterwards, we get back into our busy lives where we can just barely cope with the time constraints dealing with our day to day routines and “problems”.


It is time for a CHANGE!

Life change requires commitment and sometimes time too, but when we take the time to change the subconscious patterns that are holding us back, we actually save time and effort in reaching our goals. Taking the time for subconscious change is an investment that in the end will set us free of many things which currently waste our energy and time!

So, if you are having difficulty taking the time to change your life using the affirmations and tools you have learned, then consider starting out with affirmations like:“I am committed to myself and have all the time I need to make my dreams come true.”
“I am enthusiastic about using creating powerful change daily.”
“I am worthy of taking care of my own needs.”
“There is always enough time for me to become authentic to who I really am.”
“I follow through with my commitments, especially the commitments to myself.”
“It is OK to make self-improvement my priority and I do.”

What are some other beliefs that will assist you in investing time in YOU?
Create more empowering beliefs and change them with your favorite method.

Rob Williams Personal History and Philosophy of PSYCH-K®

Thanks to PSYCH-K® I survived a deep depression after divorce, I cleared my allergies and turned my daughter from a child who struggles with maths to a skillful mathematician.

Parents, what lasting, miraculous changes would you like to make to your life?