From the day we are born we are learning about the world - what is good and what is bad, how to act so we are accepted and what not to do to avoid being rejected. Our self-esteem has been shaped and programmed by daily experiences in which we were either praised for our actions or criticized for them, lovingly shown how to modify our behaviors, or harshly and coldly punished and judged.
Shame is a perception we learned from childhood, and it is the feeling that everything about us is wrong. This affects our self-esteem in a profound way and makes us feel inadequate and incapable all throughout our life.
If the environment in which we grew up was characterized by many moments of “tough” love, aggressive words and constant criticism about our way of being, or by the total absence of interest on the part of our parents, we create a self-image based on limiting beliefs about being inadequate, inferior, insufficient and undeserving, i.e. ashamed of who we are. As we grow older, we become more sensitive to what feels like criticism, even if it isn’t, causing us to feel rejected by others, reaffirming the perception of self-loathing and worthlessness. The consequence of feeling this deep “shame” of who we are, may be the origin of behavioral patterns of self-aggression and self-punishment, where we become violent, depressed or turn to alcohol or drugs.
As a consequence of feeling this deep shame, throughout the various stages of our human experience, it is highly likely that we have had moments when we have hurt other people or ourselves with our actions or words or when we have felt attacked, betrayed or abandoned. The stories related to each of these events generate additional feelings of guilt and resentment, which, of course remain deeply stored at the subconscious level of mind, as powerful imprints with which we continue to re-create similar situations in the present and we feel powerless due to the perception of not having a way to change these patterns or letting go of the resentment that poisons us daily.
So we now we carry guilt as well as all of the previous shame and resentment. Guilt for what we did or said. We continue to feed that resentment daily as we create more instances of the same - people come to our life that we perceive to have hurt us. And, while we remain tied to the past, we are the victim of each of those events and we find ourselves repeating the same patterns in a circle that seems to have no end.
Now here is the good news!
It is possible to free ourselves from these 3 powerful brothers.
While we cannot change the events of the past, we can change how we perceive ourselves, how we perceive the environment in which we grew up, how we perceive our parents, as well as each person with whom we have interacted during those events. As Rob Williams, the Originator of PSYCH-K® likes to say, “With PSYCH-K®, it’s never too late to have a functional childhood!”.
The bridge to re-signify the past and create a more harmonious, balanced and compassionate present is to access the subconscious mind and give it new information about how we perceive what happened.
For example, consider how your life would change if you could have these new beliefs or perceptions at the subconscious level of mind:
Believe that you are a source of peace and joy for yourself and for everyone around you (Principle of Harmony) instead of sustaining the addiction to creating situations of pain as a way of self-punishment
Accept responsibility for the choices you have made in your life and for the results (Principle of Cause and Effect) instead of feeding the guilt and resentment that keep you in the victim mode
Act consciously, choosing how to treat yourself and others, with the clarity that we are all connected (Principle of Interconnectedness) instead of sustaining the reactive or aggressive patterns learned in childhood.
Find harmony, even in difficult situations (Principle of Harmony) to recover your personal power and re-signify the past based on forgiveness and gratitude (at the subconscious level of mind instead of trying to forgive, which actually leads you to not forget!)
Honor and respect the feelings of others as well as yours (Principle of Interconnectedness) to understand that the people you consider have hurt you or who you have hurt in the past, acted from what they knew at that time. This gives you the power to learn the lessons, grow and be grateful and as a result, stop being the victim and free them from your mind.
If you are interested in learning how to go from being a victim of the past to being an architect of your daily destiny, get in touch!
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